Merging with the Light

Jakarta, Wednesday, August 13, 1997.

I woke up in the morning feeling a little different. The world seems to be so wonderful. All my problems, worries as well as any other concerns simply disappeared. I felt a strong but comforting vibration in my whole body, especially in my chest. I felt like I am in LOVE with the whole world around me.

I think this must be another euphoria that I experience now and then lately. Only this time it was a little stronger. I went to the office as usual, and I felt so happy doing everything I needed to do. That morning, everything went so well as if everything got done by itself without me putting in any effort. At lunch break, I didn’t go for lunch but went online to download my emails and to read them. I had some discussions going on a mailing list I was subscribing at that time.

While writing my email, suddenly I got goosebumps all over me, and I felt very strong vibration in and around me. And then there was a kind of ‘split’ within my consciousness. I was fully conscious and aware of sitting in front of my PC punching the keyboard, while another part of me had flown away, fusing into a huge ball of brilliant light.

I felt connected to my tiny little self that was sitting in my office as well as to myriads of other things with no specific forms, locations nor time frames. Everything was so blurred and diffused. Nothing had a particular identity. It was like an ocean of light, where there is no distinction between one particle of light and another, but I felt the strong connection with ALL THERE IS.

The following email came out in that particular time, expressing my feeling and I posted it on the mailing list in response to Sharlene’s email.

“Dearest Sharlene, my Angel,

I feel so relieved when I read your email. I also feel the vibrant LOVE, emanating from your words. I feel the whole world is just such a wonderful place, and I’ve got goosebumps all over me just when I type this.

And I am so happy!

I wonder whatever I felt a few days ago just melted away. I don’t feel any pain or sadness.

And something has been revealed to me:

There are so many emotional and thought patterns within me; I have accumulated throughout my life. They are my life experiences, rich collections of memories. And it is up to me, which patterns I want to ‘energise’, and I will be in that mood.

I feel that this physical body, equipped with the emotional and thought patterns is just a vessel, which can be used to act and react in a certain way in facing a certain situation.

I just realised that I am not rigidly tight up to a particular pattern within it. I feel the freedom to choose, in what mood I want to be. I can be happy, I can be sad, even I can feel depressed, but I am detached!

I’ve known “detachment” for quite a long time, but the whole time it was only a mental concept. Today, I feel I have flown away. What is in this body, is just a tiny part of me. It is my instrument, my tools in relating to this physical world.

It’s really wonderful Sharlene!

Yes! Sharlene! Now I am trying to write whatever I feel! I am learning and also doing to follow my heart. And I am shutting up my left brain filter. I am trying to express anything I feel, without thinking whether it is logical or not. It’s great! I am really in love with the whole Cosmos.

At the same time I know, if I try to re-read what I wrote above, maybe it won’t make any sense to my analytical/logical mind. But it doesn’t matter! If it doesn’t make any sense to you, don’t worry! I don’t want to say anything specific either.

It is simply a screeeeaaaam of HAPPINESS and FREEEEEEEDOM!

Something just come up in my mind. I remember the first paragraph of your first post where you say that you downloaded 200 odd messages at once. And the only one you pick to respond to was my post.

Is it synchronicity? I know, the universe has its own plan, what we call the Divine Plan. And what is meant to happen will happen anyway, irrespective whether we like it or not.

It is a blessing to have met you on the Bridge.

With all my LOVE.”

This euphoria lasted about three days. And in that state of being, there is nothing to know, nothing to be understood, and nothing to be explained. It was simply to BE. And everything is in perfect bliss. During those three days, everything external went ‘automatic’ well, without me putting any effort. Everything is fallen into place by itself. Internally, I am euphoric, blissful and very happy. Life is 100% perfect and can’t get any better than that.

It is only this little tiny aspect, this physical body, and its emotions, thoughts and a little ego, that needs to differentiate things. It needs to put labels or identifications on every fragmented part of the whole. It needs to have some explanations; it needs to know and to understand.

Once the euphoria is over, the first thing this little mind needs to know, is of course “What is this huge ball of brilliant light?”. This little mind needs to put a label on it, knowing that whatever label is put on, it will not be the perfect description. The closest label was perceived in a dream a few weeks earlier.

It is :
The Voice of ONE

That huge ball of brilliant light seems like what some others described as “The Great Central Sun.” Yes!, but there is something within me saying that it might lead to misconceptions. If there is a central Sun, there must be other Suns, Planets and everything else besides and outside the central Sun. This Great Ball of Brilliant Light IS ALL THERE IS, – everything included.

“The Voice of ONE”
is a better description in the following line of understanding:
“In the beginning, there is the WORD.”
And once the WORD is spoken, there will be
“THE VOICE.[1]”

My little mind was overwhelmed, while my little ego was blown out of proportion. But my reasoning mind couldn’t just believe in all that. It needs confirmation and some cross-checking.

Through some advice from an email friend, I have asked Kathleen to do a reading for me with a specific question about The Group of Truth.

The following is a reading from Kathleen that I received the week after I had the euphoria.

“Subject: Your reading is completed

Date: Mon, 25 Aug 1997 00:01:49 -0400

Your reading:

The Group of Truth is highly evolved. The discarnates and the incarnates, as you are very highly evolved. This group seems to meld together as ‘One’ voice. The group of discarnates looks like several beings together making up one ball of light. But within this light, there are about 3 or 4 beings.

They do not seem human. However, I agree with you; I feel that they have had past lives as humans. In the form they are in now, they always travel together like a cell. I see them as a ball of light and within their centre is like a nucleus — a bright ball of light.

I see them with you, and I feel others also. I cannot see the other incarnates, but I feel that one of them is a female. She is very intelligent.

Within the discarnate, I keep feeling that they are very highly evolved. There is a lot of feminine energy within this group.

Your work will help many people. You may think that that is hard to see right now. This group is releasing information to you slowly. I see you making progress to your goal. I get the feeling that you are a little frustrated at the pace in which you are moving towards that goal. But the Group of Truth is moving slowly for a reason.

I do feel that you or someone is working closely with the medical/healing field. You said, Scientist. This could be. I feel as if you will be one of the ones that will be presenting many people, the world, with much overdo knowledge. Spiritual in nature, of course. It is important that you continue at the pace that you are moving at. Everything will be presented to you as it is supposed to be.

You are a teacher, a leader. Many will learn from your words, your knowledge.

I feel that Siddhartha Gautama is also very very highly evolved. I also see him as an adviser to this group. I refer to him as a Master Teacher. That is how I understand his role. You may refer to Him as something else. He may appear to you as The Buddha. I do not see him as the sole entity Buddha; however, he IS very evolved.

I really feel that no one in your group really needs to incarnate as a human on earth for any karmic reasons, but I feel that you do to share your knowledge. There is a lot that can be learned from your group.

There is someone of importance to you (an incarnate). She serves as a guide of sorts. She is someone that you know. She is what may be termed as a ‘fortune teller.’ She is someone that you know, I believe. She is very spiritual. I see her with deep Indian ties. Her background and ancestral history seem to be very Indian. And I don’t mean, American Indian. Her family has a lot of history, and her knowledge is VAST! She is much older. And she will be very helpful for you. She will help you with your questions, and she will guide you to your answers. She is very WISE. Be sure to listen to her.

I did not receive anything about the Jewel that you were asking about. I did receive that everything will be given to you as it is time.

I hope that that helps some. I have not ever given a reading to such a highly evolved being. Thank you for the experience.

Kathleen”

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[1] In hindsight: The “Word” is a mental concept/thought – arupa/no form, beyond time-space continuum, in the upper half of the Circle. Once the word is spoken/uttered, it is manifested as voice/sound – vibrations – in the lower half of the Circle.

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